Tales of Symphonia DX: Read Between the Lines
by Sofaspud23
Summary: This pretty much makes fun of the entire game! It slices, it dices, it does it all! Batteries not included, some assembly required. CHAPTERS THREE AND FOUR ARE FINALLY UP!
1. The Light of the Oracle

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in my fanfic. Except for maybe the Fronststreet Guys, but I'm not too sure.

Sofaspud23: Hello! This is Sofaspud23 speaking! You may know me from such titles as "The Shadow of the Past" and "Tales of Irmphitria" and...no wait, that was all I wrote. Oh! I was one of the actors in Tales of Symphonia 2: Darkness Unleashed. I play Jake, the guy in the Band of Shadows with a katana and a dagger! Well anyway, now I'm writing a parody of the entire game of Tales of Symphonia! I'm calling it "Tales of Symphonia DX: Read Between the Lines." It goes through the entire story, but it tells you what really happened. The game was only _based _off of Tales of Symphonia! This stuff actually happened long ago in a galaxy far, far away! So read and enjoy, and send in a review if at all possible!

_**CHAPTER I: THE LIGHT OF THE ORACLE**_

"Lloyd Irving, wake up! Lloyd!"

Lloyd blinked. "I'm awake!" he shouted. Raine threw an eraser at him anyway, and then threw buckets at him and made him do 100 pushups on his pinky finger with the entire class standing on his back and carrying the buckets in his left hand. After about 20 seconds, Lloyd had completed the workout with ease and was allowed to sit down again.

Raine sighed. "How do you manage to sleep standing?"

"But I wasn't even sleeping! Or standing for that matter! I was just sitting here doing my homework like you told me to!"

"Shut up! You've just earned yourself a detention, young man!"

"But what did I do?"

"Shall I make it two?"

"But--"

Raine now spoke in the tone of one of those auction people who talk really fast. "One-bidda-two-bidda-three-bidda-do-i-here-a-three-bidda-three-bidda-four! Going once, going twice, and SOLD to the swordsman in the red shirt! Lloyd, you have four detentions."

"What the heck?"

"Fine then. Let's have someone else answer the question. Genis, how about you?"

Lloyd remained indignant. "But I know what the answer is! January! The first month of the year is January!"

"Shhh!" said Raine, "Let Genis answer! Genis, what's the first month of the year?"

Genis had this blank look on his face, but he always has a blank look on his face. After about thirty minutes of what looked like deep thought, Genis carefully answered, "Uh...potato." The rest of the class nodded in agreement and Genis was awarded a gold star. Genis then ran around crying out, "DURGO! DURGO! DUUUUURGOOOOOOO!"

Lloyd was bored. He already knew everything in this class and Genis kept getting answers wrong. "He's only slowing the class down," said Lloyd as he wrote Genis' name down on a piece of paper and inserted it into the voting jar, "so I'm voting him out of the class. I'm sorry, Genis. This is really hard on me." The rest of the class voted, and some kid named Timmy got voted out of the classroom. Timmy grabbed his torch and Raine extinguished it.

"Timmy," she said, "Your class has spoken." So Timmy left the schoolhouse and screams of "Aaah! The Desians!" were heard outside. Timmy ran back into the school. "Raine! The---"

"THAT'S MRS. RAINE TO YOU, YOU INFERIOR BEING!" Raine yelled. Everybody just stared at Raine, except for Genis, who was chasing a fly around the room. "Oh, ahem, I mean, you were voted out! Once you're voted out you can never come back!"

"But the Desians attacked the--" Timmy began, but was cut off by Raine shoving him out of the room. Timmy had to put in a final warning, "Lloyd! Genis! Colette! Run for your lives! The--" Then Raine closed the door and Timmy rode around the village on Noishe calling out, "The Desians are coming! The Desians are coming!"

"Hey! Noishe! He's MY arshis!" Lloyd almost ran outside, but was stopped by Raine.

"We still haven't finished the lesson," Raine said in an evil voice, "And Noishe is obviously a dog!" Lloyd quickly took his seat. "Colette, what is the job of the Chosen of Mana?"

"Uhm...she's supposed to...uh...save something...right?" Colette asked uncertainly.

"Save what?" Raine asked.

"Uh...something...it starts with a D, right? Uh...Whooping Cranes! That's right! That starts with a D! The Chosen of Mana is supposed to save the Whooping Cranes! They're an endangered species, you know!"

"Close, but no. Genis, do you know it?" said Raine.

Genis closed his eyes and concentrated. An hour later, a flash of light engulfed the room and he shouted "SHINY!"

"Settle down," Raine told them, "It would seem that the time for the oracle has come. I will go and check on the chapel. You'd all better stay here and study on your own...or else I'll shave all your hair off so you'll look completely ridiculous!" And with that, she left, leaving an overly curious Lloyd behind.

As soon as Raine had left, Lloyd ran to the door. Or at least he would've if there was a door there. "OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY MELTED THE DOOR!" he screamed.

"Shut up Lloyd, nobody likes you," Colette said.

"Duh-duh Bahbabadoo Waap Bop Yah!" Genis exclaimed as words that read, "Lloyd, Raine told us to stay here and study by ourselves!" appeared as subtitles and floated around the room for a while.

"It _is _research!" Lloyd said indignantly.

Then a strange thing happened. Smoke started to emerge from the space above Genis' head! So everyone was panicking and screaming and running around until Genis uttered a single word: "Chlorbag". Then everyone stopped panicking and screaming and running around and started studying again.

"Colette, you're coming too, right?" Lloyd asked. He had always had a big crush on Colette, but he had never really mentioned it to her...okay, maybe once...or twice...or maybe three times...

**START FLASHBACKS**

Lloyd is down on one knee kissing Colette's shoes and begging her to marry him. She then stomps on his ring made of the finest diamonds that Gald could buy and says "No way! You're such an idiot! Why would I marry _you_?"

Then he's standing in a forest clearing having just saved Colette's life from monsters. He then tells her that he's had a crush on her ever since he first laid eyes on her. She responds with a swift, "No way! You're such an idiot! I've always hated you ever since you were born!"

And for the final flashback, Lloyd is at the school dance and is the only person there actually dancing, (everyone else is doing such dances as "The Shopping Cart," "The Airplane," and the ever-so-popular, "Spin-Around-Until-You-Feel-Sick") when he asks Colette to slow-dance with him. In answer to his question, she throws up on the speakers, trips over a wire, starts rolling around on the floor, accidentally turns on the pyrotechnic special effects on the stage, sets the whole place on fire, gets everyone evacuated safely, watches the building blow up, and then yells, "NO!" to Lloyd.

**END FLASHBACKS**

"Why would I come with _you_? I care more about dirt!" said Colette.

"Because," said Lloyd, "You're directly involved with all of this! Aren't you curious?"

"Are you curious?" asked Colette.

"Of course!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Then no, I'm not curious." she said and began to walk away.

Lloyd, thinking fast, said perhaps the one thing that would make her come, "The Frontstreet Guys are there and they're holding a concert, and the Chosen gets in free! If we hurry, then we can make it before the first song is over!"

Colette whirled around and dashed out of the space where somebody had melted the door, but immediately turned back because she left her lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel on Raine's desk. So she grabbed it and accidentally tripped and fell through the wall, leaving a huge hole shaped like her there.

Then Lloyd, for no apparent reason, (it was as though somebody holding a Nintendo Gamecube controller and eating some cheesy Doritos and drinking a can of Dr. Pepper had pressed the big bluish-green button with an A on it and had immediate control over Lloyd's body. But that was just a guess) said "Whoa, how did this hole get here?"

Then Genis said, "Wagitook! Bankochiggi wankitank!" And as usual, subtitles floated across the room. They spelled out, "Don't you remember? You know, that one time in the classroom with the Frontstreet Guys and the flashbacks and the lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel? You were there, I was there, Colette was there, Timmy got voted off...(sigh), good times."

The words floated around Lloyd, who poked the "cl" in "classroom" which drifted away, making it read, "assroom." Then Lloyd and Colette started laughing uncontrollably to the point where they had trouble breathing, and Genis started dumbly at nothing in particular. After a while, one of the kids in the room finally got the joke and said, "Shame on you, Lloyd Irving and Colette Brunel! You have done wrong to laugh at such a thing! Be gone!" So Colette grabbed her lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel as the three of them solemnly exited through the empty frame where somebody had melted the door.

Once outside the schoolhouse, Colette's father, Frank, walked over to the three of the them. Once he had arrived, Colette happily exclaimed, "Daddy! The Frontstreet Guys have a concert at the Martel Temple! Can I borrow 500 Gald for spending money?"

"FRAAAAAAANK!" Genis yelled and ran up to a very surprised Frank and kicked him in the region around the waist that we dare not speaketh the name of. Frank fell to the ground and said, "Here, Colette. Here's 500 Gald."

_**Acquired 500 Gald**_

Frank spoke between raspy gasps now, (heh, rasp and gasp rhyme) "The Desians attacked the village...they've violated the Non-Agression Treaty, the agreement where they don't harm us as long as we stay away from the ranch..."

"You mean that agreement where they don't harm us as long as we stay away from the ranch?" Lloyd inquired.

"No, the other one," Frank went on and started to stand up, but Genis once again called out "FRAAAAAAAANK!" and kicked him really hard in the region around the waist that we dare not speaketh the name of.

Frank fell to the ground again and said in a hoarse whisper, "If I don't make it through this...tell your mother the truth...that I've been cheating on her. I've been sleeping with her sister, Chlorice...goodbye...ugh." Then Frank easily stood up and walked to his house, leaving the trio of teenagers to fend for themselves.

Sofaspud23: That's it for the first chapter! Sorry if it's a little short, but there wasn't much to write on in the very first part of the game. Review if you can! Thanks for reading!


	2. The Temple

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in my fanfic.

Sofaspud23: Welcome to Chapter 2 of Tales of Symphonia DX: Read Between the Lines! Sorry it took so long to finish, but I was busy doing nothing! Plus, I started on a couple other fanfics, and I'm only probably going to start one of them. Read and enjoy!

_**CHAPTER II: THE TEMPLE**_

At the end of the last chapter, our trio of troubled teenagers had just left the schoolhouse and were just beginning their journey.

"SHINY!" Genis cried out as he spotted the Save Circle.

"What the hell is that? It looks like it's made of liquid, but it's not..."

"Oh, I know!" Colette said in astonishment that she actually knew something, "It's a Save Circle! If you walk into it and press A then you can save your progress!"

_**This is a Save Circle. If you walk into it and press the A Button then you can save your progress.**_

"That's what I just said! Damn disembodied voices..." said Colette.

Lloyd and Colette glanced over to Genis, who was jumping around in the Save Circle, when suddenly a floating skull floated up to them. "Hey buddy, you like watches? I got watches. Lots of 'em."

"I dunno," said Lloyd, "My dad always told me to never accept watches from strange floating skulls."

"C'mon! They're Rallix! Only 20 Gald each! What a bargain! I amaze myself sometimes!" said the skull.

"Real Rallix? Awesome! Wait...it's Rolex, not Rallix! You're lying to us!" Lloyd concluded.

"Damn, you figured me out! Time to die, then!"

"You first!" Lloyd called out.

Genis suddenly noticed the floating skull and stopped jumping around and said, "Wagdibogdom!" No subtitles appeared.

"Now I get it! I was wondering why you kept talking in gibberish! Let's see..." Lloyd adjusted a strange device on Genis' left molar, and Genis cold finally speak English!

"Thanks, dude. So like I said, Holy crap! A monster! I thought the temple place was like a sanctuary!"

"The Chosen's trial is supposed to include fighting monsters, right? So that must be why it's here." said Lloyd

"Oh, yeah! I forgot that my trial has to do with monsters!" exclaimed Colette.

"Uh, not to be rude or anything, but when I say, 'Time to die', then that usually cues the battle." the skull said impatiently.

"Right! Let's take this thing out!" said Lloyd.

"Roger!" said Genis. Then the entire village exploded into shards of glass and the skull transformed into a zombie!

"Whoa, how did that happen?" Lloyd wondered aloud.

The zombie was just as surprised. "Whoa, I've got a body now! Sweet! Now I shall kill you with my newly formed arms and legs!"

Lloyd ran at the zombie and hit him with his wooden swords. It only did 3 damage. "Dammit! I even calculated the force of gravity at 0.9345 and the momentum of my swords at 4.5235 and, judging by that, it should've hit the zombie with a total force of 9.3234!" Lloyd cried out in despair.

"Dumbass," Colette muttered to herself as she swung her chakrams at the zombie, slicing off its newly formed arms and legs.

"No! My newly formed arms and legs!" cried the zombie.

"Get ready, dudes! Like, Fireball!" Three tiny fireballs each the size of Genis' pinky fingernail flew out of his weird flingy kendama thing. When they struck the zombie, he exploded into two white lines and faded away. After the battle, the group held a small conversation. "Like, Dwarven Vow #7! Chyaa..." cried Genis.

"Goodness and love will always win!" Colette cheered happily.

"SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT THE STUPID DWARVEN VOWS!" Lloyd yelled at the top of his lungs.

Then there was complete darkness...and then the village returned! "That was the weirdest thing ever." Lloyd managed to gasp out.

"Are you kidding, man? That was wicked awesome, dude! Sweet! Let's do it again!" said Genis.

"How did that happen, anyway?" Colette asked, "Well anyway, I thought the zombie looked kinda cute. I don't see why we had to kill it!"

"The zombie?" Lloyd cried, stunned, "What do you mean the zombie looked _cute_? It was _dead_!"

"So? That doesn't mean that it can't be cute!" Colette retorted.

"Dudes! Shut up! Here comes another one!" Genis yelled. And, much to their dismay, the very same floating skull had returned.

"But you just exploded into two white lines and faded away!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"No, I'm a different skull. I just look _exactly _the same." the skull told the three.

"Right, whatever. Let's just take it down quickly." Lloyd said as he drew his swords.

"Wait, Lloyd! The Professor told us that the moon is made of cheese! So if we go there, then we would have a lifetime supply of cheese!" Colette reminded Lloyd.

"Yeah, dude! That'd rock! We could, like, each cheese...a lot." said Genis.

"Can we just get this over with?" Lloyd asked impatiently.

"Fine," Genis and Colette said in unison. Then the village exploded into shards of glass as it had before, and the floating skull turned into a zombie and a ghost.

"Fireball!" Genis exclaimed as three tiny fireballs hit the ghost. He shouted "Fireball!" a few more times, and Lloyd was getting annoyed.

"Will you just cast something other than Fireball for once?" Lloyd asked, having already defeated the zombie.

"I don't know how to do anything else!" Genis replied.

"Ray Thrust!" Colette said and her attack caused the ghost to explode into thin lines that slowly faded away.

"How did that work out? I thought only magic attacks could hurt stuff that wasn't real!" a confused Lloyd wondered out loud.

"Dude, who cares?" asked Genis. Nobody had an answer to that, so the three of them went on their merry little way.

"So Colette," said Lloyd, "What's the temple like?"

"The temple? What temple?" asked Colette.

"You know, the one we're going to?" said Lloyd.

"I dunno. I've never been there!" said Colette.

"Then how do we know where it is!" exclaimed Lloyd.

"We just follow the long, warm tunnel with the glowing white light at the end of it! I saw your mom there one time, Lloyd! She was crazy. She kept going on about some Cruxis stuff. But she's dead, so that doesn't matter! Let's get going! But first, we have to find the tunnel!" responded Colette.

Lloyd and Genis just stared in bewildered astonishment as Colette trudged onward.

As they left the village, they suddenly grew huge! The buildings were like little dollhouses! So after a few minutes of Genis running around Iselia like he was Godzilla, the group headed for the Martel Temple. "Eeek! I'm so psyched! I can't believe I'm actually going to meet the Fronstreet Guys!" Colette squealed.

"Hold on. That big blob with eyes looks suspicious. I don't like the looks of it." said Lloyd.

"Oh crap, here it comes!" Genis cried. Then, once again, the area around them exploded into shards of glass, and the blob turned into a bird!

"Man, I'll never get used to that." Lloyd commented.

"I dunno if we can beat this one, guys. Look at how strong that bird is! I mean, we've got swords and magic and stuff, but I don't think that we stand a chance against this bird!" said Colette worriedly.

The three of them tried as hard as they could, and they barely beat the bird. After it turned into lines and faded away, Lloyd noticed that Colette was unconscious. So he picked her up and carried her to the Martel Temple, where she suddenly sprang back to life! It was a miracle!

"Get your hands off me, you perv! I was almost to the light, too!" Colette cried out. Lloyd set her down gently, and she started to run up the stairs but tripped. "Ouch! What was that for?"

"But I didn't do anything!" said Lloyd.

"Yes, you did! You tripped me!" Colette snapped.

"No, I didn't!" Lloyd declared.

"Then what did I trip on? Air?" asked Colette.

"Probably," Lloyd said simply.

"Dude! Look at all the commotion at the temple!" said Genis, pointing. They looked, and much to Lloyd's surprise there was a huge crowd of people there, and the Fronstreet Guys were singing their number one hit, _Love Is Like A Peanut Butter Sandwich with Extra Ketchup but Please Hold the Onions_

"Omigosh! It's them! It's the Frontstreet Guys!" As she spoke, one of the priests, obviously drunk, stumbled down the steps and collapsed on the ground in front of them.

"Whoa! He's like, dead!" exclaimed Genis.

"Pastor, are you alright?" asked Lloyd.

The pastor then stood up and stripped off his clothes, severely disturbing the trio of troubled teenagers. He then ran back up the steps to the concert.

After a long pause, Colette murmured, "I'm going."

"But what about the naked guy?" asked Genis.

"I'm scared, but I have to go. It's my job to go to every Frontstreet Guys concert I can," answered Colette.

"What? Dude, you aren't gonna let her go by herself, are you?" Genis asked Lloyd

"I'll wait for you. I don't wanna take the chance of seeing some naked priest guy!" said Lloyd.

"Dude, you're crazy!" said Genis. Then, in a whisper, "It'd be like your first date with Colette, man! Or as close to a date as you'll ever get! C'mon, man! Show some courage!" Genis then ran off to catch up with Colette.

"Fine, I'll go!" said Lloyd. He ran after Genis and they walked up the stairs.

Once at the top, Colette screamed and ran up to the Frontstreet Guys. "I absolutely LOVE you guys! I know all your names! There's Forcystus, Magnius, Kvar, Rodyle, and the only girl, Pronyma! I've loved you for as long as I can remember!"

"The Chosen is here, so we must go. We must make sure Yggdrasill knows," said Forcystus.

"No way! I'm not leaving this concert, believe it!" Magnius cried.

"Although the Fronstreet Guys we are, the boss will kick our behinds far, if inform him we do not, of what is what and what is naught." Forcystus answered.

"What the hell does that mean!" asked Magnius.

"Please, Magnius! Don't use the H-E-double-hockey-sticks word in front of Rodyle!" said Pronyma. She then covered Rodyle's ears with her hands.

"Goo goo wa wa! HELL!" said Rodyle, who was only 2 years old.

"Oh now look what you've done! Now he'll just keep saying that over and over again!" snapped Pronyma.

"Wha---aah! I'm sorry, little guy! I really am! Believe it!" said Magnius hurriedly.

"Crikey! We've got ourselves a couple o' humans and a half-elf! Now we better be extra quiet, we don't wanna spook 'em!" said Kvar.

"I am not going to say it again! We'd better be gone on the count of ten!" said Forcystus in irritation.

"HELL! HELL! HELL! HELL!" Rodyle screamed.

"Crikey, slow down there little fella!" said Kvar to Rodyle, "Well, wasn't this an exciting episode? Join us next time when we study the bizarre ways of the hillbilly! Thanks for watching!" Then the Fronstreet Guys teleported away, leaving the trio of troubled teenagers standing in front of an unconscious, drunk, naked, priest guy.

"NOOOOO! I didn't even get their autographs! NOOOOOO!" cried Colette in agony.

"NOOOOO! I'm blind! The naked dude! My eyes! NOOOOO!" cried Genis in agony.

"Hey wait a minute, somebody's coming up the steps!" said Lloyd. It was only Phaidra.

"Aaah!" she called out upon seeing the trio of troubled teenagers, "The Desians! They've killed the priest and stripped him of his clothes!" It was just at that moment that a strange man in a blue shirt much too small for him, with a yellow afro and bizarre black bellbottom pants came up the steps to the temple. Alongside him were two troubled teenagers; a girl with pink hair and a guy with white, and what looked like the Sunny Delight label. "Run, Botta!" cried Phaidra.

"You mean Bottabo-Bo Bot-tabo!" said this mysterious being.

"Dude, there he is!" said Genis.

"What the heck?" asked Lloyd in confusion.

"Bottabo! Your life is mine!" Colette called out.

"I won't let you Desians get away with anything, fool!" said Bottabo.

"Ha! Desians? Us? Now that's funny." said Lloyd.

"What's so funny, huh? Huh? Huh? HUH?" asked the Sunny Delight label.

"Uh, nothing, I..." Lloyd started. The two troubled teenagers following Bottabo came up to him. The one with white hair spoke first.

"Don't worry, he's always like this. He's nuts." he said.

"I hate to say it, but Gasser's right. Bottabo _is _nuts." said the pink-haired one.

"Gasser? Your name's Gasser? Haha! That's hilarious!" Lloyd laughed out.

"Yeah! You wanna know why, jerkface?" said Gasser as he turned around and cried, "Fist of the Backwind!" Lloyd was flung back by the force of the attack from Gasser's hindquarters, and had real difficulty breathing. The smell was awful! When the air had finally cleared, the four mysterious figures were fighting another,stranger mysterious figure with even stranger hair.

"Gasser! Stay clear of Captain Battleship! He'll beat you all up!" Bottabo warned, "You too, Beauty!" So Gasser and the girl with pink hair ran off to where Genis, Colette, and Lloyd were, making a total of _five _troubled teenagers! It's a new record!

"Don Patch! Can you hear me?" asked Bottabo.

"Loud and clear, Bottabo." replied the Sunny Delight label.

"I want you to take a big bite of dirt!" Bottabo said.

"What? Why! Is it Superdirt? Yes! I love Superdirt!" said Don Patch and then began devouring the dirt in front of the temple, leaving a giant hole there. "Now what? Will I become Super Patch?"

"No, I just wanted to see you eat some dirt. Go back with Beauty and the others." replied Bottabo.

"So...I just ate that dirt for nothing? It wasn't Superdirt?" asked Don Patch.

"Nope, it wasn't Superdirt." replied Bottabo.

"Then...I was...deceived. But I swear, I WILL fine a big clearing in a magical forest filled with Superdirt! Then I'll become Super Patch and save the world from aliens with my Super Patch Powers! Oh yeah!" yelled Don Patch and then ran to join Beauty, Gasser, Lloyd, Genis, and Colette.

"Super Fist of Nosehair! Snot For You!" cried Bottabo. And, much to the surprise and utter unsettlement of the trio of troubled teenagers, Bottabo's nosehairs flew out of his nose and attacked Captain Battleship! But alas,Captain Battleshipwouldn't go down that easily! He started sucking Bottabo up through his nose!"Aaah! No! It can't end like this! I'm too young to be a nacho!"

"Yes...soon the world will be bald! Muahahahaha!" said Captain Battleship.

Then another mysterious figure clad in purple with maroonish-brown hair appeared out of nowhere and struck downCaptain Battleshipin one swift strike.Captain Battleshipwas dead before Bottabo could be sucked in.

"Damn! I never thought _you'd _show up! Retreat for now!" said Bottabo. He motioned with his hand and Don Patch left with him. Just as Beauty was about to leave, the mysterious swordsman stopped her and grabbed her in an inappropriate way...

"Hey, cutie! Howsabout you show me--AUGH! THAT SMELL! IT BURNS!" the mysterious swordsman was flung off into the hole that Don Patch had dug by Gasser's Fist of the Backwind. Then Beauty and Gasser buried him alive and went on their way.

Once they had left and the air was clean, Colette remembered something. "Oh! I have to accept the oracle! Grandmother, I'm going to undergo the trial now."

"Is that all you can say after what just happened?" asked Lloyd.

"Dude! The guy in the pit's still alive! He's diggin' his way out!" exclaimed Genis.

Lloyd, Colette, Genis, and Phaidra walked over to the "grave." The mysterious swordsman jumped out, did a few flips, and landed on his feet perfectly. He saw Colette first, and immediately rushed over to her. "Hey, hottie, what's up?" he asked her and was promptly slapped. "Oww! Geez, what was that for? You try to show a friendly gesture, and everybody gets all mad at you all of a sudden! Geez!"

"So, like we were saying before this guy came in, what trial?" said Lloyd.

"The monsters, I assume. An evil presence radiates from inside this chapel." said the new guy.

"Will you just stay out of this!" yelled Lloyd.

"Shut up, Lloyd. Nobody likes you," said Genis, Colette, and Phaidra in unison.

"You," said the new guy, pointing to Lloyd, "Your name's Lloyd?"

"Yeah," said Lloyd arrogantly, "But who are you to ask for my name?"

After a pause came the guy's reply, "I'm Kratos, an angel of Cruxis who is really your father who is your friend butisn't your friend and basically just mixes up the storyline and confuses things."

"I didn't quite catch that last part, what?" asked Lloyd.

"I'm Kratos, a mercenary. As long as you can pay me, I'll accept the job of guarding the Chosen." said Kratos.

"Wait...we didn't tell you Colette was the Chosen One! So that must mean...that you're Colette's long lost cousin!" Genis determined.

"OK! Hi, cousin!" said Colette cheerfully.

"Okay sure, whatever. Let's go with that." said Kratos.

"Fine then! Now that we know who the hell you are, let's just get in the temple!" said Lloyd angrily.

"Wait! I was about to say, 'The Chosen is to receive judgment from heaven.' I couldn't wait to say it! Come on! Let me say it! Pleeeease?" complained Phaidra.

"Yeah! And I was gonna say, 'This isn't a field trip, you know.' Just let us say the cool stuff! Come on!" Kratos complained as well.

"...Gotcha. Then I'm just gonna wait inside for you people to finish talking!" So Lloyd entered the temple and waited, while the others stayed outside and left to see "War of the Worlds," at the Iselia theater and booed for most of the movie because they all hate Tom Cruise. (I apologize to any Tom Cruise fans, but I think he's a jackass) By the time they got back to the temple it was midnight, so they all decided to stay at Colette's house for the night! Then they left Phaidra in the village and met Lloyd inside the temple, who had been running from Raine the whole time they were gone. "It was like a horror movie, only scarier 'cause you're actually in it!" he wrote in his autobiography some time later.

"Lloyd," Kratos said as they entered the temple, "Are your sword skills self-taught?"

Lloyd nodded and said, "Yeah, that's right."

"Then you SUCK! Man, no wonder! You're like the worst swordsman I've ever seen! I mean, geez! I wondered if your grandma taught you how to use swords or something! But now I know it was someone way worse! And, come on! Wood? Puh-lease! Try "metal", lame-brain!" said Kratos, "Here, take this. It'll help you learn the basics.

_**Acquired Playboy magazine.**_

"How the hell am I supposed to use this?" asked Lloyd.

"What do you---oh crap! That's mine! Wrong book!"

_**Returned the Playboy magazine to Kratos.**_

_**Acquired Tales of Symphonia for Dummies.**_

"Oh, so you attack with A instead of Q?" asked Lloyd, interested.

"Uh, Lloyd, there's not even a Q button on the controller." Genis pointed out.

"What is this "controller" that you speak of? Please do tell." said Lloyd.

"You see, since we're half-elves, ah, I mean, elves, and we're way more superior than you inferior human beings, we always get the coolest stuff! Like this one time, we got this box with an X on it! We call it, "The Box-X". Cool name, huh? Well anyway, it was like green and black, but then we got the "Box-X 360", which cost us, like, five hundred thousand Gald! It was really cheap! Anyway, we just got it last week. And it uses controllers."

"You could've just told me you meant that thing you play Halo 2 on constantly. I don't see why you enjoy looking at a screen and killing stuff when you can really experience it!" commented Lloyd.

"Two reasons. One: Can you blast aliens with Needlers and rocket launchers in the real world?" said Genis. Two: Can you battle and/or chat with anyone all around the world instantly in real life? And finally, three: Can I, being a weak little shrimp who looks like a three-year-old, really do anything worth mentioning in real life?" said Genis.

"That's three reasons, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that those were questions, not reasons. You can't answer a question with another question!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Yes you can! I'll show you! Let's both talk in only questions until we leave the temple! Say something that's not a question and you lose! Winner gets this shiny nickel that I found on the ground over there! Deal?" said Genis.

"Deal," said Lloyd. "Staaaaaaart, NOW!"

"Dude, what's that?" asked Genis, indicating the blue forcefield blocking their path to the top chamber of the temple.

"Doesn't it look awesomeo possomo? I'm gonna touch it!" said Colette as she reached out and poked the forcefield with her pointer finger. She was electrocuted!

"Awesomeo Possomo? What the heck?" asked Genis.

"What's going on, Colette?" asked Lloyd.

"Isn't is obvious, man?" asked Genis.

"Isn't what obvious?" asked Lloyd.

"Can't you tell, dude?" asked Genis.

"Can _you _tell?" asked Lloyd.

"Why don't you answer me first?" asked Genis.

"Didn't I say earlier that _you can't answer a question with another question_?" asked Lloyd.

"Why should I care?" asked Genis.

"Hey, is Colette alright?" asked Lloyd.

"Don't change the subject--" Genis began.

"Was that a question?" asked Lloyd.

"Well...no..." Genis mumbled.

"Then I believe that _you _owe _me _a shiny nickel!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"NO! I WILL NEVER GIVE AN INFERIOR BEING LIKE YOU EXTRA CASH! NEVER!" screamed Genis.

"Aaah! Colette! She's on the floor!" yelled Lloyd.

"Huh?" asked Kratos, who suspiciously brought his hand down from inside his nose and wiped it on his shirt.

"Uhh...what was your hand doing by your nose like that?" asked Lloyd, slowly backing away.

"I was...uh...trying...to use the Fist of the Nosehair like Bottabo did!" said Kratos.

"Riiight, dude. Whatever. Just don't do it around me...ever." said Genis.

"Hey! Colette's unconscious! She needs mouth-to-mouth!" Kratos exclaimed, suddenly noticing Colette. He then lunged at Colette, only to be blocked by one of Lloyd's wooden swords. "Oww..."

"All she needs is a Life Bottle, you pervert," said Lloyd, attempting to use the Life Bottle, "How the heck do you use this, anyway? Do I just dump it down her throat or just on top of her, or what?"

"Dude, how would we know? We're not healers or anything!" said Genis.

"Your sister's a healer!" said Lloyd.

"Yeah, but all she knows is First Aid! What kind of a healer is that?" said Genis.

"Good point." said Lloyd.

Far within the temple, Raine sneezed. She thought to herself, _When you sneeze, somebody's supposed to be talking about you somewhere else. _She discarded the thought and went back to examining the temple.

"Hey! All I know is First Aid! And Demon Fang! That's more than _you _know, Lloyd!" said Kratos, defending this "Raine" person. She sounded hot to him.

"I know what you're thinking, man! That's not cool! If you lay a finger on a single hair on my sister's head, then I swear I'll hit you with a Fireball the size of my pinky fingernail!"

"Simmer down, simmer down! I won't try anything, especially with your "super-powerful" magic spells defending her," said Kratos. Genis missed the sarcasm. "You might wanna try being a little nicer to me, since I'm the only one here who can use First Aid and Life Bottles. So shut up and let me work." He used the Life Bottle on Colette, and it turned out that all you had to do was open the bottle and lift it in the air! Go figure!

"Dammit, Lloyd! I was almost at the light, too! I could see my great-grandma, and she's dead! We could've had so many awesomeo possomo conversations together! But no, you just had to ruin it, didn't you?" said Colette.

"But you almost died! And besides, Kratos saved you, not me!" said Lloyd.

"Don't lie to me! I know when you're lying and when you're not!" said Colette.

"Sure, whatever you say, _your highness,_" said Lloyd in an irritated way.

"Shut up, Lloyd. Nobody likes you," said Kratos, Genis, and Colette at the same time. Then they all went downstairs together.

"Hey, look! It's, like, a ring! Omigosh! That would, like, so _totally _work with my new dress! I like, _have _to have it!" said Colette excitedly.

"Okay then, let's just jump over there. That's easy enough." said Lloyd.

"DUUUUDE!" cried Genis as he spotted a rock golem walking around the room.

The golem spotted their group and said, "Hello. I am C-3P0, human-cyb---augh!" Kratos had sliced off its head.

"Kratos! What was that for? He seemed friendly enough!" said Lloyd.

"He was ugly. I think Kratos did him a favor. Now he won't have to suffer anymore!" said Colette.

"You're the one who thinks zombies are cute!" Lloyd pointed out.

"Well, you've gotta admit, he _was _pretty hot..." mumbled Colette.

"Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of yours..." said Lloyd.

"Dudes! It like, turned into a rock!" said Genis.

"It was sort of a rock in the first place..." Kratos corrected Genis.

"No, it was a boulder! An ugly boulder! Not a rock, a boulder! And now it's a rock!" said Colette.

"Boulders and rocks are like, the same thing, dude," said Genis.

"Nuh-uh!" said Colette.

"Yea-huh!" said Genis.

"Nuh-uh!" said Colette.

"Yea-huh!" said Genis.

"Nuh-uh!" said Colette.

"Yea-huh!" said Genis.

"Nuh--" Colette began.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, ALL OF YOU LITTLE BRATS!" Kratos screamed, but added on a side note, "Except for you, my beloved Colette...ack! What the hell was that for? I was just being nic--oww! Okay, okay! I give up! I--ouch! What was that one for? I didn't even do anything!" said Kratos in-between several slaps from Colette.

"Are you ready to shut up or do you want another slap?" asked Colette angrily.

"No, I'm cool." said Kratos.

"Hey, dude! Sweet! It moves, man! That kicks ass!" said Genis as he pushed the block into one of the holes.

"Oh, I get it!" said Lloyd immediately, "Now another one should---there it is!" And, sure enough another golem materialized in front of them! How about that?

"Dammit, this is gonna take forever, man! Like, why don't we just jump over those tiny little gaps to the ring?" asked Genis.

"Don't be stupid, Genis. That would never work. Nobody can jump!" Colette said as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"We can jump in battles, man! And we can jump back like we're startled or sumthin'! So why not forward, man? It only makes sense." said Genis.

"You can believe in jumping, or Bigfoot, or the Tooth Fairy if you wanna but I'm gonna do this the hard way so I can strain my bones, hurt my back, and maybe even die!" said Lloyd happily.

Genis, however, didn't feel the same way. He jumped over the tiny little spaces in the floor and ran over to the Sorcerer's Ring. "Duuude! I jumped! This rocks, man! Tchaaaa..."

After many grueling hours of hard work and confusion, Lloyd, Colette, and Kratos finally arrived at the Sorcerer's Ring next to Genis. "How'd you get here so fast?" asked Colette.

"I jumped, man! It was awesome! I like, pushed my legs down and I went up!" Genis cried.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just get the ring for my beautiful Colette!" said Kratos.

"Shut up!" said Colette.

"Oh! Umm, I mean, uh, my very _ugly _Colette! Yeah! She's so ugly it isn't even funny!" said Kratos hurriedly. Colette glared daggers at him. "Or, on second thought, you, uh, you see..." Kratos rambled.

"Argh! Can we just grab the ring and go?" asked a pissed-off Colette. But as she reached for the ring, Lloyd spoke.

"Argh? What was that? What are you, a pirate or something? Argh, matey! There be treasure on that island!"

"Shut up, Lloyd. Nobody likes you." said everyone else. (even Sheena in the far away land of Tethe'alla, and she didn't even know Lloyd yet) With that remark, Colette snatched the Sorcerer's Ring from its pedestal. Then the earth began to shake and a huge boulder (that's right, a boulder, not a rock) came tumbling down from the ceiling, missing their whole group by several yards and crashing into the shadows to the left.

"That was pointless," said Lloyd simply, "Oh, geez! What's that smell? It's nasty, whatever it is!"

Everyone looked around the room, searching for the source of the smell. "W-why is everyone looking at me?" asked Kratos shakily, "I didn't wet myself!"

"Oh, nasty, man!" cried Genis, "This is almost as bad as that naked guy at the concert!"

"Please, Genis, we're all trying to forget that," said Colette with a shudder.

"Can we go now, or do we need to change Kratos?" asked Lloyd.

"Nah, I'm fine. That's not the first time today I've wet my pants and it won't be the last!" said Kratos.

After a long silence, Lloyd said, "Aaawkward..." and dashed up the stairs, quickly followed by Genis, Colette, and Kratos. "Hurry up, you three! The public demands that we finish this chapter ASAP! Theauthor has been writing the chapter way too slow so people are pulling out the big guns! Now, move it!"

"But I'm tired..." complained Kratos.

"You can sleep when you're dead! PRIVATE BRUNEL! DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WHEN I TOLD YOU TO HUSTLE?" said Lloyd.

"SIR, YES, SIR! I mean, no, err, yes, no...maybe? You tricked me!" said Colette.

"ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY AUTHORITY, PRIVATE?" screamed Lloyd, spraying spit in everybody's face.

"Shut up, Lloyd. Nobody likes you." said everyone. Colette even added, "And get some mouthwash or something 'cause your breath reeks.

"But Scope is too strong for my delicate teeth!" said Lloyd.

"Haven't you heard, Lloyd? Now there's Listerine with 25 percentless sting! Screw those guys at Scope! Choose Listerine!" said Genis.

"Wow! Do tell, Genis!" said Lloyd, amazed.

"Be quiet, you two, I'm shooting fire out of the fancy new ring I got!" said Colette as she blasted a huge fireball out of the Sorcerer's Ring.

"Duuude! That thing's bigger than _my _Fireballs that I shoot out of my kendama!" shouted Genis. The forcefield shut down and the group jumped into the shiny purple light thingy, and they all stretched into nothing! What has become of our trio of troubled teenagers and Kratos? Does Kratos really wet his pants all the time? And what the hell is wrong with Genis? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Tales of Symphonia DX: Read Between the Lines!

That's the end of this chapter! Thanks for reading!

**Next time: The Angel**

Fake accents, laser swords, and bad rhymesare everywherein the next exciting chapter of Tales of Symphonia DX: Read Between the Lines! The trio of troubled teenagers and Kratos meet up with an angel of heaven! He might not be exactly what you'd expect, though. To solve the mystery of his identity, be here for the next chapter! Although, if this chapter is anything to go by, the chapter won't be here for a while...a _long _while!

In the meantime, I'm holding a little contest every chapter! If you've read Sonic Stupidity, then you might recognize it since Derek the Demon Prince stole my idea and put it in his story! If you can guess what TV Show Botta was from in this chapter and name seven characters from the show, then you can have some input into the next chapter. Or, alternately, if you can name the personalities of each of the Fronstreet Guys (some of them aren't from specific shows), then that'll count as well. Just send in a review like you normally would, but add in your answer(s) and what you want to put in the next chapter if you'd like.

Hints:

1. As you could probably tell, Botta is from the craziest show ever made. It's animated, and most people probably think it's stupid. I already named four characters in this chapter.

2. Like I said, the Frontstreet Guys aren't all from specific movies or shows or games. In fact, two of them are from TV shows and the other three are pretty much generic.


	3. The Angel

Sofaspud23: Wow, I guess this chapter didn't take as long to write as the last one! Then again, the last one took more than half a year to write 'cause I was busy being lazy. I apologize to any huge Kratos fans about the last chapter, maybe the wetting of the pants was going a little bit too far. But I'm trying to make fun of everybody, so there are bound to be casualties. On a side note, there was one contest entry with the right answer in it! The winner was PatrioticPuppy. I've decided to change the contest around a little bit. For every question you answer right, you get one point. Whoever has the most points by the time the trio of troubled teenagers releases the Seal of Fire in Triet gets to add in their own character to the story, to completely mess it up! Any character you like! You can make them up, they can be from another game, or it can be you! I might even add an extra character to my story, too. Of course, by then it'll already be REALLY messed up. I have some very bizarre things planned for the future. Hehehehehe...anyway, here are the answers to the last chapter's contest:

(1) Botta was Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo on Cartoon Network's Toonami block every Saturday! It's also a manga that's not-so-well-known. Here are 10 of the characters from the show/manga (there are plenty of others but I didn't wanna take the time to list them all):

1. Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo

2. Don Patch

3. Beauty

4. Gasser

5. Soften

6. Jelly Jiggler

7. Captain Battleship

8. Dengakuman

9. Hatenko

10. The Narrator

(2) The Frontstreet Guys' identities are as follows:

Forcystus - Somebody who always talks in rhyme.

Magnius - Naruto Uzumaki

Kvar - Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter)

Rodyle - Toddler

Pronyma - Really Annoying Babysitter

Time to start the chapter! Thanks to everybody for all the reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own Namco, Tales of Symphonia, or any trademark or copyrighted material of any company. Also, I have nothing against the color purple, and have full respect for anti-purplists around the world. Lastly, I must warn anyone reading this that any lyrics in this fanfic that have been created by yours truly should not be uttered aloud near anyone of any importance as they are very…strange and could result in strange looks from people standing nearby. Sing at your own risk.

_**CHAPTER III: THE ANGEL**_

"Ack! My spleen!" Lloyd yelped as he stumbled from the teleporty-stretchy-purpley-thingy. After a few minutes, the pain in his spleen had lessened enough for him to stand up shakily and take in his surroundings. The rest of the group was standing at an altar in the center of the room. Wait, the room! The room was purple! Completely and utterly purple! Nothing but purple, purple, and more purple! "Nooooooo! Not purple! Anything but that! Why? Why? WHY? I have failed in my duty as an anti-purplist! Oww! My spleen still hurts!" he cried.

"Shut up, Lloyd. Nobody likes you," said Colette from the altar.

"Now that we're all hear, this must be the top floor," said Kratos smugly.

"You mean, 'Now that we're all _here,_' " corrected Genis.

"Yes, that's what I said. This must be the top floor," said Kratos, confused.

"No, you said _hear, _but you should've said _here,_" said Genis.

"What? You're knot making N.E. cents, Genis. Eye don't get it," said Kratos.

"There you go again! Saying Eye instead of I, knot instead of not and N.E. instead of any!" Genis chastised Kratos.

"Don't forget about sense!" Colette helped.

"Yeah! And cents instead of sense!" Genis shouted, now angry.

"Fine! I'm sorry! I'm such a horrible person! Gaw! I can't believe myself! I have nothing left to live for! I might as well drive a steak through my heart!" Kratos sobbed.

"It's a stake! You should drive a _stake _through your heart! Not a steak! You eat steak; you can kill stuff with a stake! You could turn a cow into steak using a stake and eat your steak with a stake that you killed the steak with, but you can't kill anything with a steak! Geez!" Genis yelled angrily, and Kratos burst into tears.

"That was mean, Genis! Apologize to Kratos!" Lloyd scolded.

"Shut up, Lloyd! Nobody likes you!" said everyone, including Kratos who had to speak between huge sobs.

"Omigosh! Look at that light!" Colette exclaimed.

"ACHOO! What? No! Not feathers! I'm allergic to feathers! ACHOO! ACHOO!" Kratos sneezed.

An angel appeared within the light, amidst the continually falling feathers. Drums began beating in the background, the mysterious figure began to rap...well, you can't really call it rapping, more like a sad attempt at a rhyme. The worst part was that he had an atrociously fake accent. It sounded as though he was from Djibouti! Here is his...poem:

_My name is Remiel_

_Yeah, that guy with wings!_

_Kratos is sneezin'_

_Hello, Lloyd Irving!_

"What is that?" wondered Genis

_Don'tcha know?_

_You prob'ly can't tell_

'_Cause I stubbed my toe!_

"An angel, I presume," said Kratos

_Look at him act cool!_

_But all he does is splash_

_When he's in the pool!_

Kratos drew his sword and pointed it at Remiel

_Stay out of this Sofaspud23, or else I'll...whem y'all?_

"What the hell does that mean?"

_Lloyd is askin'_

_Kratos is scarin' me,_

_I'm about to get my ass kicked!_

_So I guess it's time to leave_

_But before I go_

_Here's a little gift_

_From me to yo!_

_Cruxis bestows upon you_

_The Cruxis Crystal_

_Try not to laugh,_

'_Cause this might tickle!_

The crystal floated in midair and shot towards Colette, sticking right on her neck. It wouldn't budge no matter how hard Colette tried to pull it off!

_Sofaspud23, that doesn't rhyme! _

_You suck at rapping!_

You're not so great yourself, I don't hear anybody clapping. And you're actually trying, I just narrate. _Shizamm, you might be right! _

_Maybe I'm not that great!_

_My rhymes are lame._

_And now I know._

_I've still got one last thing to do_

_Before I go._

_To no further ado,_

_Here's what everybody wants,_

_I bestow the Tower of Salvation_

_Upon Sylvarant!_

"Omigosh, it's so pretty" said Colette.

_Ain't she a 'beaut?_

_I bought her on eBay_

_Sometime last June._

_Well, it's time for me to leave,_

_I won't be a bother!_

_But this I gotta say,_

_COLETTE, I AM YOUR FATHER!_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Colette screamed! "Omigosh! An M&M!" she exclaimed, seizing the chocolate from the floor below. "Eww, it's all dirty!" Then she had a horribly evil idea. "Hey, Lloyd...want an M&M?" she asked Lloyd.

Lloyd, shocked that Colette was actually speaking to him of her own will, could only say, "Wagdibogdom!"

"Shut up, Lloyd! Nobody---ah, I mean...really? Here...you...go..." said Colette through gritted teeth. It was very hard for her to part ways with the M&M. They had been through so much together! Walking by the shores of Gitchigumi and the waters of Katanktan. They had even gone to a Hukilau (hoo-kee-low) together! But in the end, she had to hand it over to Lloyd. "I'll miss you and think of you always," said Colette.

Lloyd was, at this point, very confused, so much that he was utterly unable to understand much of the goings-on around him. However, Genis was. "Colette! Remiel's getting away!" the young boy cried.

"Like, not if I can help it!" Colette called, still upset about the loss of her friend, the brown M&M. She had always loved it because it had had so much less artificial flavoring than the other colors.

So she pulled out a pink laser sword and lunged at Remiel, who had been enjoying a nice Take 5, (the best candy bar ever) and immediately parried the attack with a silver lightsaber decorated in golden bling, and used it to cut off Colette's hand. Colette fell to the ground in a lifeless heap. Remiel vanished, along with the feathers.

"Ah, finally! Time to clear my sinuses!" said Kratos, and he began to snort, so as to clear his nose and prevent sneezing as well as snoring.

"COLETTE!" Lloyd called. He ran over to where Colette lay. She was shaking uncontrollably. "Colette, are you okay?" he asked her. He could see her severed hand somewhere in the shadows to the left, and was utterly disgusted by it. He wondered why it wasn't bloody. He also wondered why grass was green and the sky was blue, marveled at how shiny the ceiling was, hated the purple walls and Tom Cruise, and tried to figure out why he had given that M&M to Genis, when Colette stood up!

"Haha, you should've seen the look on your face!" she was saying.

"What do you mean?" Lloyd said.

"I got you with the fake hand trick! Me and Remiel planned the whole thing!" Colette said.

"Colette, that was really—" Lloyd started.

"Shut up, Lloyd. Nobody likes you!" cried the rest of the group, and at last there was silence. But in the silence several things happened. Kratos snorted (he still hadn't completely cleared his sinuses), Lloyd blinked, Genis scratched his left wrist (he has dry skin), and a house fell on top of Colette! A young girl with auburn hair in a ponytail emerged with a large toad-thing by her side. She appeared to be wearing bronze pajamas.

"Jiraiya," she said, "I don't think we're in Treantwood anymore!" Unfortunately for the young girl, it was at that moment that Raine happened to enter through the teleporty-stretchy-purpley-thingy.

"MARVELOUS!" she cried. "Genis? Is that you?" she asked of the girl.

"No...my name is Suzu...and...I gotta go!" said the girl, trying to run away.

"That is you, Genis! I recognize your girly voice! Come back here!" Raine called, seizing the girl's ponytail.

"Let me go! Let me go!" cried the girl, who then made a hand sign and turned into a large rock! Raine couldn't tell the difference, and she began violently spanking the rock.

"Excuse me, I don't believe we've met before. I am Kratos, and you are?" said Kratos.

"Shut up, Lloyd! Don't think I don't recognize you in your clever purple disguise! You're next!" said Raine. Kratos had a disturbing look on his face that clearly told everyone there (excluding Colette, who was currently crushed under the house) that he wouldn't mind it one bit if Raine spanked him.

"I'm gonna kill you, Kratos! Stone Blast!" said Genis, and several tiny pebbles erupted from underneath Kratos, ramming straight into the place where the sun don't shine.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Kratos' scream echoed throughout the temple. But for now, we must leave the Martel Temple for it is close to midnight and I would rather not stay up all night typing the rest of this chapter. Be thankful that I have finished it now and now twenty years from now! I supposed all that is left is the contest for this chapter. There are three this time! Here they are:

1. Introduced in this chapter was Suzu, and we shall certainly see her in many chapters to come. Your task is to tell me what video game she is from, and give me a little background information. For example, where she's from, her personality, her age, etc.

WINNERS: 1/2 - PatrioticPuppy, 1/2 - freakyanimegal456

HINT: Once you've figured out what her video game is, all of her info can be found in the instruction manual for that particular game.

2. Just a moment ago, I used the phrase "Be thankful I've finished it now and not twenty years from now!" This is a reference to a famous movie. The real quote is, "Be thankful I'm giving you audience tomorrow and not twenty years from now!" Name the movie, and name who said it.

WINNER: freakyanimegal456

HINT: I made another reference to it earlier in the chapter.

3. This one is completely unrelated to the chapter. Name all of the movies (not including shorts) that have been created by Disney and Pixar.

WINNER: PatrioticPuppy

HINT: There is a commercial for their most recent creation that lists all of them. The most recent one has Larry the Cable Guy playing one of the characters in the movie.

Standings:

PatrioticPuppy - 2.5

freakyanimegal456 - 1.5


	4. Iselia Forest

Sofaspud23: Well, the last chapter was awfully short and I hope I can make up for it in this chapter. Heh, a couple days ago I suddenly realized that I still had, if all goes as planned, 150 chapters to go before the story's end, maybe more. So I told myself, "Self, you've gotta crack down!" And do you know what I did? I put it off for a week or two (I went to Hawaii and then Worlds of Fun), and then I cracked down out of sheer boredom (summer can have that effect on people). But before we start the fourth chapter, I'd like to announce the last chapter's contest answers.

1. Suzu Fujibayashi (she's like Sheena's great, great, great, great, etc. grandma or something) is from Namco's first ever Tales game, _Tales of Phantasia_ (now available for Gameboy Advance), which takes place before _Tales of Symphonia_, before the worlds were split apart. She is 11 years old (10 and 12 are close enough) and lives in the Ninja Village (Mizuho), deep in the Treantwood forest, (the forest surrounding Heimdall). She has an innocent nature, but she has trouble expressing her emotions due to her grandfather's strict training. (I've been using a lot of parentheses in this paragraph) At least, that's what she was like before she entered my twisted story...Dun dun dun! (Ooh, suspense!)

Winners: 1/2 - PatrioticPuppy, 1/2 - freakyanimegal456

2. The quote was from _The Wizard of Oz_, uttered by the great and powerful wizard of Oz himself.

Winner: freakyanimegal456

3. There have been seven movies created by Disney and Pixar studios. The latest movie, _Cars_, has Larry the Cable Guy playing a tow truck. Here are the seven movies, listed in their order of creation:

1. _Toy Story_

2. _A Bug's Life_

3. _Toy Story 2_

4. _Monsters, Inc._

5. _Finding Nemo_

6. _The Incredibles_

7. _Cars_

Winner: PatrioticPuppy

Standings:

PatrioticPuppy - 2.5

freakyanimegal456 - 1.5

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Namco, Tales, Nintendo, The Wizard of Oz, Disney, Pixar, Blue Collar TV, Pepsi, La-Z-Boy, Cheez-it, MTV, or any other copyrighted material that I do not have listed.

_**CHAPTER IV: ISELIA FOREST**_

When we last left our trio of troubled teenagers, Kratos, Raine, and the new girl, Suzu, they were experiencing quite a scuffle in the Martel Temple. Colette was underneath a house, Kratos was stoned (literally), Raine was spanking a large rock, Genis was yelling random curses at Kratos, Suzu was nowhere in sight, and Lloyd was sitting in a La-Z-Boy eating popcorn.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Kratos' scream echoed throughout the temple, making it seem as though a thousand Kratoses were having pebbles rammed into their happy place simultaneously.

"Lloyd, be quiet!" Raine scolded, tossing aside the rock and kicking Kratos in the same place he had been hit with the pebbles. Kratos collapsed on the floor gasping for air.

Then the little girl, Suzu, appeared out of nowhere and scrambled into the house that was on top of Colette. "Genis, get back here! Never go into someone's house without knocking! That's another beating for you!" said Raine, who then started beating up the rock again.

A mechanical voice could now be heard emanating from the house. "10, 9, 8, 7..."

"Oh no! It's gonna blow!" Genis cried, noticing the smoke coming out of the bottom end of the house. "Let's get outta here!"

"But Colette's getting burnt to a crisp!" Lloyd exclaimed, "We've gotta help her!"

"But what can we do? We're gonna die in a couple seconds!" said Genis.

Thinking fast, Lloyd raised his hands high in the air and ran around in circles, screaming like a little girl. (Genis was right behind him)

"3, 2, 1, ignition!" came the mechanical voice of the house, which launched into the air, rammed into the side of the temple, and fell back down again...right on top of Raine!

"Professor!" Lloyd called out in dismay.

"Don't worry, she always comes back in the end," Genis told him.

"What do you mean?" Lloyd asked.

"She just won't die! She always comes back, it's like she's a zombie or something!" Genis said.

_Genis obtained the title of "Brotherly Hatred"_

_Raine obtained the title of "Zombie"_

"Hey, let's go check on Colette," Lloyd suggested. So they both walked over to the house's former resting place, and there they found Colette, still very much alive, but with a severe case of sunburn.

"Mmmnm! Mhmnmhmm!" Colette said.

"Hey! The burning sealed her mouth shut!" Genis cried happily.

"But we can't just leave her like this," Lloyd said. They both agreed on that, and Genis took out an Apple Gel and they both attempted to use it on Colette. Genis tried to rub it on her arm, but that didn't seem to work. Lloyd had the idea of feeding it to her, but that was no use as her mouth was burned shut. Finally, they just did the same thing as the Life Bottle, holding it in the air above their heads, and voila! Colette's burns were gone!

"Omigosh! You guys just left me here, how could you? I am your queen, you obey everything I say! When I say, 'Jump' you say 'How high?' do you understand?" Colette ordered them, "Hey, where'd Raine go?" So Lloyd and Genis told her of the flying house and how it had landed on Raine.

"Hey, someone's coming out of the house!" Genis pointed out. It was the little girl from earlier, Suzu.

"You two hide somewhere, I'll go straighten this out," said Colette as she walked over to Suzu, and began interrogating her. "So...this your house?"

"Y-yeah..." said Suzu shakily.

"It's a nice house...'bout how long have you been in ownership o' this here house?" Colette asked.

"Uhh...11 years? I think," Suzu replied.

"And 'bout how long have you been flying your house?" Colette asked.

"A couple months, uh, since February, I believe," Suzu answered.

"Oh, so about the time Chapter 2 was finished," Colette noticed.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," agreed Suzu.

"And do you happen to have the proper license required for house-flying?" asked Colette.

"Well, no, I..." Suzu murmured.

"And are you aware that your house has just crushed a wicked bitch?" asked Colette.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—" Suzu began.

"It's okay, it's okay, we've all killed our share of people, right you guys?" Colette reassured Suzu.

"That's right!" came Lloyd and Genis' voices from the hiding spots.

Colette pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Yeah, we got us a code four-zero-niner, little girl's flying a house without a license, crushed a wicked bitch, over." There was an indistinct reply, then Colette said, "Mmhmm! Yep. Uh-huh. Saturday night. Okay, see you then!" Colette turned off the walkie-talkie and stuffed it in her shirt pocket.

"Please, I'm just trying to get back to Treantwood," Suzu pleaded.

"All right, you idiots! It's safe to come out now!" Colette called. Lloyd and Genis leapt out of their hiding spots to come see Suzu.

"Raine's gone! It's a miracle!" Lloyd cheered.

"I'm telling you, she'll come back..." said Genis.

Suzu felt that this was going a little too far. "It really was no miracle, what happened was just this: The wind began to switch, the house to pitch, and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch. Just then the bitch, to satisfy an itch, was beating up a rock, she is such a witch! And oh, what happened then was rich! The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch. It landed on the wicked bitch in the middle of a ditch, which was not a healthy situation for the wicked bitch, who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a sitch of what was once the wicked bitch!" Suzu said all of this very quickly and looked at Lloyd, Genis, and Colette expectantly.

However, none of them had understood a word of what she had said, so there was an awkward silence until at last Colette said, "Let the joyous news be spread, the wicked old bitch at last is dead!"

"WHY IS EVERYONE TALKING IN RHYME!" Lloyd screamed, nearly driven insane by all the rhymes.

It was then that Suzu really took notice of Lloyd and she instantly became deeply infatuated with him. She stared at him for a time as he pulled some of his hair out trying to escape the rhymes.

"Shut up, Lloyd! Nobody likes you!" Genis and Colette called.

"Don't feel bad! I like you, Lloyd!" Suzu said, and Genis and Colette gave her looks of bewilderment.

"What did you just say?" asked Colette.

"I said I like Lloyd," Suzu repeated. (Lloyd was unaware of any of this, as he was busy ripping out his hair)

"But you can't like Lloyd, that's impossible," said Genis. Actually, it had been scientifically proven that it _was_ impossible to like Lloyd. And yet this girl was defying science!

"But I do. I like Lloyd. He seems nice, and he's...well..." Suzu didn't need to finish her sentence.

"OH MY GOD! EWW! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Genis yelled and Colette started gagging. She nearly passed out!

"Why don't you guys like him? You've grown up with him all your life!" Suzu wondered aloud.

"Well you see," Genis said in his 'scientific' voice, "Everyone from the entire world of Sylvarant (except for Lloyd) has a certain enzyme in their brain that prevents them from liking Lloyd. It's common sense! Everyone knows that!" Genis informed Suzu.

"Wait!" Colette was struck with an idea. "Maybe since Suzu's from Treantwood, which is a star, she doesn't have the enzyme thingy!"

"Treantwood isn't a star, it's a forest!" Suzu explained.

"Whatever!" Colette replied, "Anyway, now that I got the Cruxis Crystal, shouldn't I be leaving?"

"Oh yeah, I completely forgot that we're supposed to follow a storyline!" said Genis.

"Yes! Everyone finally stopped talking in rhyme!" Lloyd cheered. (He was now nearly bald, so he used an Apple Gel on his hair. Poof! 30 of his hair was back! It's amazing what Apple Gels can do!)

"I'm gonna head back to my house. Don't come by my house! I remember the last time you did...

**FLASHBACK**

Lloyd is sitting on the bed dressed up as Phaidra when Colette walks in. Genis is hiding underneath the bed.

"Grandma? Is that you?" Colette asked.

Lloyd had to work to make his voice high-pitched. "Oh, yes! I'm your grandma, sugar pumpkin!"

"But what spiky hair you have!" she pointed out.

"All the better to keep warm with!" said Lloyd.

"And what a small nose you have! It makes you look like a chipmunk!" said Colette. (even though her nose was just as small, and Genis looks the most like a chipmunk out of anybody)

"All the better to...uh..." said Lloyd.

"Run around collecting nuts and berries with!" Genis whispered to Lloyd from under the bed.

"All the better to run around collecting nuts and berries with!" Lloyd proudly declared, just before an angry, "Hey, wait! Genis, not everybody enjoys doing that all the time!"

Genis crawled out from under the bed. "But why not? It's fun, and it helps you survive through the winter!" Shockingly, Genis grew a long, bushy tail and flew out the open window into the sunset.

**END FLASHBACK**

Lloyd and Genis stared at Colette. "Uh, Colette?" Genis asked tentatively.

"What?" Colette asked.

"That never happened," said Lloyd.

"Oh...right! That was my friend Binky! He's a chipmunk! He can fly! Never mind! Bye!" And with that, Colette stepped into the teleporty-stretchy-purpley-thingy and disappeared.

"Wow, so I guess the rumors were true," said Genis.

"What rumors?" Lloyd questioned.

"The rumors about Colette being friends with a flying chipmunk named Binky," said Genis.

"Oh, I see," said Lloyd, "So I guess we'd better go back to Colette's house,"

"Yeah, let's go," said Genis.

"Wait, you guys!" Suzu called after them. "I wanna travel with you guys," she said, eyeing Lloyd with a scary look in her eyes. Fortunately, Lloyd failed to catch it.

Genis was trying to save Lloyd. "Uh, I dunno, didn't you...wanna get back to your star or something?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how to get back there! Besides, a little girl like me should always have a big, strong—" Suzu said.

"Hey! Lloyd! Why don't we get on our way? Let's go!" Genis said hurriedly.

"How come she couldn't come with us? I don't see why not," said Lloyd.

"Because! She's..." Genis started.

"Oh, I see! You're just sexist! You don't like her because she's a girl, right? I'm right, aren't I? I knew it! Suzu, you can come with us, don't mind Genis," said Lloyd.

"Yay!" cheered Suzu.

"Fine, whatever," said Genis, "But don't say I didn't warn you."

As they left the temple, a thought occurred to Lloyd. "So I guess angels really do have wings," he said.

"Yeah, I guess so," said Genis.

"Wouldn't that be kinda hard?" asked Suzu.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Genis.

"Well, you'd have to make holes in your clothes and stuff for the wings to go through!" said Lloyd.

"Yeah! I wonder if they get in the way when they go to sleep?" said Suzu.

"Have you two been thinking about this the entire time?" asked Genis.

"Of course! Aren't you curious?" Suzu asked.

"It's like having another Lloyd..." Genis complained.

So, the group of grumbling grease-monkeys became giant and made their way back to Iselia. Once they arrived there, they swam around in the liquid-like ground of the Save Circle and saved their progress, (Lloyd nearly drown since he can't swim) then wandered around Iselia looking for Colette's house, since nobody had ever told them where it was.

While they were walking, Lloyd said, "Oops..."

"What is it now, Lloyd?" Genis asked.

"I've still got the Sorcerer's Ring," said Lloyd, "It's not gonna hurt if I keep it, right?"

"Raine's gonna get mad," Genis warned him.

"Yeah, but wasn't she dead?" Suzu asked.

"She always comes back...always..." Genis said, then shuddered.

"Hey! This looks like Colette's house! It's got a bunch of flowers in the front yard!" Lloyd pointed out.

So the group of grumbling grease-monkeys rudely entered Colette's house without knocking or ringing the doorbell or doing anything of an introductory sort just as the Mayor was concluding the meeting of townsfolk.

"Then we'll entrust the protection of the Chosen to Kratos and Raine," said the Mayor. Several citizens of the town, Colette, Phaidra, Frank, the Mayor, and Raine were gathered around the large kitchen table in Colette's house.

"I have no objections," said Kratos.

"Oh no, it's you guys," said Colette, noticing the group of grumbling grease-monkeys standing in one corner of the house.

"Thank you for your assistance earlier. Please accept this small thanks," said Phaidra, handing a book to Lloyd.

_Acquired Collector's Book_

"Oh, great. A book. Thank you so much," said Genis sarcastically.

"Thanks, Phaidra," said Lloyd. He LOVED books! "Say, were you—wait! Wasn't Raine dead?"

"She always comes back, man! Always!" Genis whispered to Lloyd in a spooky fashion.

_Genis obtained the title of "I Told ya So!"_

"That's just wrong...anyway, were you talking about the world regeneration journey just now?" Lloyd said.

"Yes," said Phaidra.

"I wanna go, too! I wanna be a lonely moron who chases after Colette for his whole life!" Lloyd exclaimed excitedly.

"If Raine's going, I'm staying right here!" said Genis.

"No, you'll get in the way," said Kratos to Genis.

"Wh...what?" Lloyd asked, genuinely confused.

"You're too short. People trip over your small, chipmunk-resembling body all the time! There's no way you're staying here. From now on, you live in the forest and forage for berries," said Kratos.

"So does that mean I can go with you guys?" Lloyd asked.

"Shut up, Lloyd! We don't like you!" cried everyone surrounding the table.

"I like you, Lloyd..." Suzu said, batting her eyelashes. Lloyd still hadn't realized anything abnormal about Suzu.

"Okay, I guess I'll go back to my house now," said Genis.

"No! Kratos is absolutely right! I don't know how many times I've tripped over you! You two should go on to the forest and start searching for berries right away," said the Mayor.

So the group of grumbling grease-monkeys left Colette's house. They were just about to continue on their merry little way when Colette emerged from her house.

"Please wait!" she called, (it wasn't really necessary since they hadn't started moving yet) "I'm sorry," She then tripped over her own feet, falling into the flowerbed to her right. "Ack! These flowers are sharp! Oww! Dammit, Lloyd! Why'd you trip me again?"

"I didn't trip you!" Lloyd said.

"Oh. I'm sorry," Colette apologized.

"It's not like it's your fault," said Lloyd.

"Oh yeah. I'm sorry," she yet again apologized.

"Listen! Never mind!" Lloyd yelled. (maybe he just likes to hear himself yell)

"Oh yeah! Happy birthday, Colette!" Genis remembered, even though she had only known Colette one day.

A large white blob with an exclamation point in it emerged from the depths of Lloyd's spiky hair.

"I made you some invisible cookies, if I had known you were gonna leave tomorrow I would've done something a little more special, but..." said Genis.

"No, no! I love invisible cookies! They don't taste like anything and you can eat as many as you want without gaining an ounce!" Colette replied.

"What about you, Lloyd?" Suzu asked, "You were gonna make her a necklace, right?"

"Uhhh...heh...hold on, how'd you know about that?" said Lloyd.

"I stole your diary when you weren't looking, read it, and sniffed it a couple times. Were you, by any chance, eating a blueberry muffin on January 21st?" said Suzu.

"Yes, but that's beside the point!" said Lloyd. Let it be known that from this day onward, January 21st shall be Blueberry Muffin Day!

"That's the whole point of this fanfic! It's always beside the point!" Colette pointed out.

"Well anyway, you put way too much butter on that muffin! You're gonna gain some weight if you keep that up!" Suzu warned him.

"If that happens, you can try some of these invisible cookies!" said Colette, currently munching on one ravenously.

"Right, whatever. So does anybody remember what we were talking about before all this talk about my muffin?" asked Lloyd.

"Don't tell me you forgot!" said Genis.

"Right! The necklace! It's almost done! I'll give it to you tomorrow before you leave!" said Lloyd to Colette.

"Really? I'm so happy! As soon as I find out when we're leaving, I'll go to your house to let you know!" said Colette.

"Isn't it gonna be dangerous?" Lloyd asked.

"Yeah but I'm a blonde, remember? I'll be fine," said Colette.

"Didn't somebody once say that you couldn't get through life on good looks alone?" said Genis.

"Maybe, but whoever did should get hit by a train! See you later!" said Colette as she returned to the house.

"...Liar," Genis remarked.

"If I start on it now, I'll finish it in time!" said Lloyd confidently.

"That's what you said about that muffin you got at Thanksgiving!" said Genis.

"And I finished it, didn't I?" said Lloyd.

"Yeah, in January!" said Genis.

"Hmm, yeah, that muffin needed a lot of butter," said Lloyd.

"Whatever! Hey, you're going home now right? Can I go part of the way with you?" Genis asked.

"Sure, why? Lemme guess, you've got a lean-to and a stash of nuts and berries somewhere in the forest?" Lloyd suggested.

"Not yet, I don't start collecting 'till August. I'm going to see a friend," said Genis.

"Friend? I didn't know you had friends outside of the village besides me!" said Lloyd.

"Does it matter? Anyway, can we stop by my house so I can get my stuff?" Genis asked.

Nobody knew where Genis' house was (not even Genis), since Genis generally lived in the forest, so the group of grumbling grease-monkeys again wandered the streets of Iselia.

On the way to Genis' house, they passed an odd-looking man standing outside of a house, looking in the window. So Lloyd walked up to him and asked him what he was doing.

"My wife kicked me out of the house so she could clean," said the man.

"Don't you usually clean in the spring?" Lloyd asked, curious.

"My wife kicked me out of the house so she could clean," the man said again.

"Yeah, I know that," said Lloyd.

"My wife kicked me out of the house so she could clean," the man repeated.

"Whatever, I'll go talk to your wife," said Lloyd, going inside the house. The only person in the house was a man walking around aimlessly. "Hey, I heard this guy's wife kicked him outta the house 'cause she was cleaning. Do you know where she went?" Lloyd asked.

"I've got to clean this place up thoroughly for tomorrow," said the man.

"So you're cleaning? But that guy said his wife was cleaning...are you his wife?" Lloyd joked.

"I've got to clean this place up thoroughly for tomorrow," said the man, who was apparently not a man and was the wife of the guy standing outside the window.

"Eww, that's just nasty! You could at least try to look a little feminine! Geez!" said Lloyd.

"I've got to clean this place up thoroughly for tomorrow," said the man's wife.

"Fine, whatever! I'm going!" said Lloyd, "Man, all that lady talks about is cleaning! What a strange woman..." So the group of grumbling grease-monkeys trekked all around Iselia, until they at last had found Genis' house, where Genis gathered sandwich ingredients and stored them in a magical bag that can hold 20 of any kind of food imaginable and keep it from spoiling.

"I should've put that blueberry muffin in there, I wouldn't have had to use as much butter," said Lloyd.

"You're saying we came all this way just for sandwiches?" Suzu asked in disbelief.

"Actually, cooking is very important. In 1271, when the Hemoglobin uprising was in effect..." Genis ranted on.

_...4 long hours later..._

"...and that's why cooking is important!" Genis concluded. Lloyd was on the edge of his seat and he applauded, waking up Suzu who had nodded off around 'cooking is very important'. Binky the flying chipmunk had stolen the sandwich ingredients during the lecture, and the group of grumbling grease-monkeys left without taking notice.

"Finally! We can leave the village!" said Suzu, who was looking forward to seeing Genis' friend. He sounded hot to her! (lol)

"Lloyd! Stop this...thing!" came the cry of Guard A from the gates.

"What do you mean, Guard A?" Lloyd asked.

"Your pet! This...creature!" said Guard B.

"Noishe!" Lloyd called.

"Whine" said Noishe. (Wassup, mah homie! Lemme in, yo!)

"Noishe, what're you doing here? You know you're not supposed to be in the village!" Lloyd scolded Noishe.

"You always have him bring you to the village! Don't talk to him that way!" Genis said angrily, just after another puff of smoke erupted from his head. I think he might have a disease or something. Maybe he should see a doctor about that.

"That reminds me, Lloyd, the Mayor wanted me to ask you a question," said Guard B.

"From the Mayor? What is it?" Lloyd questioned.

"It's about the **_NORTHWEST FOREST_** that you go through on your way home. You know there's a **_HUMAN RANCH_** there, right?" Guard B asked, "You haven't been playing there, have you?"

"Of course not! Right, Genis?" said Lloyd.

"Y...yeah, of course not..." Genis stammered.

"Really? If so, that's fine. But that weird animal..." said Guard B.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Noishe is a chicken!" said Lloyd.

"Sorry, he just doesn't look like a chicken! He looks like a dog!" said Guard B, "Make sure he doesn't go near the ranch, either."

"We can go now, right? Let's go! NOW!" Suzu insisted. She was really looking forward to the 'hot' friend of Genis'. She had been imagining what he would look like during the entire conversation, and hadn't even taken notice of Noishe.

"Be careful," said Guard A.

"We will. See you later, Guard A! You too, Guard B! Watch yourself!" Lloyd called, "Time to go, Noishe,"

"Whine" said Noishe. (I can't get in? Dat's a load of shizzle, manizzle! You just hate me 'cause I'm green! A wise man once said, 'It's not easy being green'. Yeah, you could learn a thing or two from him!)

"Why were you trying to enter the village, Noishe?" Lloyd asked.

"Whine" said Noishe. (Being the world's largest green chicken, I get a lot of the paparazzi hanging around me, so I thought I'd get away for a while and scan the babes at the same time, y'know?) Just then a pigeon landed on Noishe's left ear. "Whine" (Ah, yeah! She digs me! Hey, baby! What're you doing tonight?)

"He was probably looking for you," Genis said.

"You think so?" said Lloyd.

And with that, they all became gargantuan again, making their way to the Iselia Forest. They had a boring conversation about Genis being called short by Kratos, and also by the Mayor, and Raine, and Colette, and Lloyd, and Suzu, and Zelos (who he had never met or even heard of, but had probably been called short by anyway), and Binky, and many more people whom I shan't mention, for much like the Lloyd-Hating enzyme, there is a Calling-Genis-Short enzyme in everyone's heads as well.

Upon their entry to the Iselia Forest (notice how it coincides with the chapter name), Noishe turned around immediately and said, "Whine" (Okay, everybody! I've got this hilarious joke! So there are these three guys, and two of 'em walk into a bar. You know what the third guy does? He ducks!) After Noishe's whine, the sound of two drums and a cymbal falling off of a cliff could be heard in the distance.

A blob with a question mark in it rose upon everyone's head in the group of grumbling grease-monkeys. You know what? I think they've all got a disease or something, what with all these things popping out of their heads! They must have himpees, let's call it that. That's what they get for eating the school's grilled cheese! Seriously, the bread is hard as a rock! Why don't they have a magical food bag at the school? Ah, but I digress! Let us return to the group of grumbling grease-monkeys!

"Oh, that's right. Noishe doesn't like this place," said Genis.

"He won't go near places like this that have lots of monsters, even though you hardly ever see any bigger than him," said Lloyd.

"Whine" said Noishe. (Man, you guys can't take a joke, can you? I'm outie!)

"Ah, he ran off again! Fine, do whatever you want, Noishe!" said Lloyd.

"I keep thinking, if he's gonna run away he should at least take us with him," said Genis.

While they were wandering around the forest, Lloyd noticed a flower walking around. "Hey, you guys! Check it out! It's a flower that can walk on two legs!" he said.

"What are you talking about? Flowers don't have legs! It's walking on two _roots_," Genis corrected.

"Look out! It's coming this way!" said Suzu. Lloyd was so startled that he accidentally shot it with the Sorcerer's Ring! And instead of burning, the flower turned blue!

"Hey, instead of burning the flower turned blue!" Suzu pointed out.

"You're right! Haha, let's poke it with a stick and see what it does!" Lloyd suggested. So they all had a merry time, poking the flower with a stick until they got bored with it and continued through the forest. They took a left and went down a slope, where they found a worm and a treasure chest. "Hey, it's a worm!" said Lloyd. He shot it with the Sorcerer's Ring and poked it with a stick some more, but, of course, poking the worm wasn't nearly as entertaining as the flower was, so they returned to the flower to poke it some more. Once they got bored again, they opened the treasure chest and found an Apple Gel.

_Apple Gel was found._

"I wonder how they make Apple Gels?" Suzu wondered, "Do they come from real apples?"

"Hey, you know what they should do? They oughtta make apple flavored ice cream!" said Lloyd.

"Better yet, apple flavored Cheez-its!" said Suzu.

"No, you guys," said Genis, "They need Cheez-it flavored apples."

"Ice Cream flavored apples!" Suzu chimed in.

"Cheez-it flavored ice cream!" said Lloyd.

"Are you crazy, Lloyd? That'd taste sick!" said Genis.

"I think it'd taste great, Lloyd..." said Suzu to Lloyd (who was still very unaware of her feelings towards him).

The group of grumbling grease-monkeys spotted another treasure chest, and just as they were about to open it a bizarre thing happened. A tiger poked its head through the chest and attacked the group of grumbling grease-monkeys! The forest shattered into a million pieces and they were in an entirely new place! Actually, it was the same place it just appeared to be different! At first, this startled Suzu and all she could do was stupidly say, "Wagdibogdom!"

Somehow, the tiger had turned into a bunny rabbit and...a slimy thing that looked like Jell-O. "Genis," said Lloyd while the Jell-O and the bunny were approaching, "How can a tiger turn into Jell-O and a rabbit? Is that even possible?"

"Actually, it's quite common. The tiger may have evolved into a lower form of a subordinate category of species, therefore enacting in an action similar to mitosis, or perhaps meiosis depending on whether the Jell-O and the bunny each have the same amount of chromosomes containing genes and deoxyribonucleic acid," said Genis.

"Oh, I see," said Lloyd, "Thanks for clearing that up for me!"

"But the bunny's not wearing jeans!" said Suzu, who had only heard a couple of words from Genis' speech, and had only understood and few of the ones she had heard. Genis never bothered to explain anything to her, or to me, so now nobody knows what the heck he was talking about (except for Lloyd). The group of grumbling grease-monkeys defeating the Jell-O and the bunny with ease, and Lloyd tasted the Jell-O, which turned out to be quite yummy so they packed some of it in the magical food bag of forever freshness.

They immediately were transported back to the Iselia Forest, even though they never really left in the first place, the treasure chest just disappeared. They opened the chest and found a Life Bottle. Whoop-de-doo and yippee for them.

_Life Bottle was found._

"So Genis, who's your friend?" Suzu asked.

"Is she the one you keep taking your school lunch to?" Lloyd asked.

"How'd you know about that?" Genis asked.

"Suzu stole your diary, too. She's been telling me all the juicy stuff the whole way over here," said Lloyd.

"Oh, okay. Then that's no so bad. I thought it might've been something creepy, like a little girl stealing my diary," said Genis.

_Suzu obtained the title of, "Stalker"_

"So that dog must really like you now!" said Lloyd.

"It's not a dog!" cried Genis.

"Really? This whole time I thought you were keeping a dog a secret from the Professor!" said Lloyd.

"Are you kidding? If I had a dog, he'd eat all the nuts and berries I had stashed!" said Genis.

"Hey, a Save Circle!" Suzu noticed. Lo and behold, there was indeed a Save Circle! It was right next to a sign which nobody notices...ever. It's pretty much invisible to the naked eye, it blends in really well. It read, 'Unauthorized Personnel Prohibited'. So of course, even if you happened to notice the sign and had the ability to read, the abnormally large words would befuddle you into insanity, so it's much better that it's not too visible.

"Okay, here's my stop," said Genis.

"The Desian Human Ranch? But doesn't going there violate the non-aggression treaty?" Lloyd asked.

"The Desians already attacked the temple!" Genis pointed out.

Lloyd's himpees must have been acting up right about then, because random squiggles emerged from his prickly head, causing him to say "That's true, but..."

"I know I'm not supposed to, but there's someone I just have to tell about the oracle!" said Genis.

"All right, fine! But I'm worried about you going by yourself, so I'm coming too," said Lloyd.

"Me too! I wanna meet your friend!" said Suzu, jumping up and down with excitement.

So the group of grumbling grease-monkeys saved their progress in the Save Circle (they had to overwrite their existing data, and kept accidentally pressing no instead of yes, because they were very impatient and repeatedly pressed the A button) and entered the ranch, disregarding Guard B's advice.

This chapter's got five more questions! I think they're harder than the last chapter's, although my opinion doesn't really matter much in this area. Also, I'm adding a new rule. You can only answer on question per chapter. Sorry, but two people sent in all the answer to last chapter's questions, and I figure this way we can sorta share the wealth. Here are the five questions:

1. Category: Language Arts

In the last chapter I used the word hukilau. Tell me what the word means, use it in a sentence, and tell me what language it's from.

Difficulty: Hard

**WORTH THREE POINTS**

1 point will be given for merely listing the language it comes from.

HINT: Pronounced (hoo-KEE-low) I don't know how that'll help, but that's all I'm giving away!

2. Category: Entertainment

The phrase "It's not easy being green," was used in this chapter. Tell me who said it, and what TV Show they were from.

Difficulty: Easy

**WORTH ONE POINT**

No point divisions.

HINT: It wasn't said by a human. I guess it was, but that was just a voice-over.

3. Category: Tales of Symphonia Trivia

List the titles required for all 9 characters' alternate costumes.

Difficulty: Hard

**WORTH THREE POINTS**

No point divisions. It's all or nothing!

HINT: There are three costume types: Party, Swimming, and Custom. Kratos can't get a party or swimming costume.

4. Category: Music

At the MTV Movie Awards, a certain contestant from American Idol was on the red carpet interviewing movie stars as they came and went. They were representing the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Who was this mysterious interviewer?

Difficulty: Easy/Medium

**WORTH ONE POINT**

No point divisions.

HINT: Her name makes me laugh.

5. Category: Video Games

The upcoming video game system from Nintendo, awkwardly named Wii, announced quite a few launch titles at E3 in May. List 5 of them.

Difficulty: Medium

**WORTH TWO POINTS**

I'll give you two extra points for listing ten of them! (which means if one person gives five, another person can give five different ones for full credit)

HINT: One of the games rhymes with, "Head Wheel" Another rhymes with "Fort's Snackage" Lol, sorry, that's all I can say. Sorry!

Standings:

PatrioticPuppy - 2.5

freakyanimegal456 - 1.5

Thanks for reading my atrociously long chapter! See you again soon for chapter five, which hopefully won't be very long from now! Ciao!

SOFASPUD23 :)


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